Today was an ok day for the most part. Nothing to out of the ordinary, work early in the am, a 3 hr class after, a nap, and then choir rehearsal. However some of the events between the end of rehearsal to now kind of really brought me down and I had to get my thoughts out somewhere. So for me, part of my identity has always been about music, specifically singing and performing usually with a choir. Tonight we were going through our music for the next few weeks and quite a few of the older voices were either given or offered solos for various pieces. I noticed though that I seemed to always be the last person even offered a solo.
Then on this one piece the tenor who was given the a solo was having trouble because the range of notes were around the breakpoint in his voice.
The director then asked me to give it a shot and when I did he asked me to sing out more in order to hear the solo part over the rest of the choir. Now the solo part was also around the breakpoint in my own voice but my voice was a little stronger so that I thought I could cover it but as for making the solo louder I don't think the director realized it but I was near full voice when I did the solo. Just the fact that I was having trouble with such a simple part got me down a bit.
Also while at rehearsal I was talking with one of the men about the job situation in Albany for engineers at the moment and he was telling me about some places looking to hire and then asked whether my GPA was at least a 3.7. I told him about how it was lower than that and how that was part of the reason why my job search was taking so long but just having to admit that hurt both my ego and my resolve on the whole job search endeavor I've been at for the last several months. It was just discouraging, ya know?
Then after coming back from rehearsal I went on facebook in order to see how my friends from school were doing and I saw a post that ended up talking about how confidence was key in an interview to land a job and the resume isn't really worth much except to get the interview. I realized that in my interviewing attempts I may not have come off as confident and that perhaps that may be why it's taking me so long to land a position.
So now I'm sitting here thoroughly depressed at my state of affairs, realizing that I'm not as good at music as I once thought, worrying over whether I'll ever get a real job... I'm just very low on confidence and self-esteem at the moment.
Maybe I'm just not good enough...
Then on this one piece the tenor who was given the a solo was having trouble because the range of notes were around the breakpoint in his voice.
The director then asked me to give it a shot and when I did he asked me to sing out more in order to hear the solo part over the rest of the choir. Now the solo part was also around the breakpoint in my own voice but my voice was a little stronger so that I thought I could cover it but as for making the solo louder I don't think the director realized it but I was near full voice when I did the solo. Just the fact that I was having trouble with such a simple part got me down a bit.
Also while at rehearsal I was talking with one of the men about the job situation in Albany for engineers at the moment and he was telling me about some places looking to hire and then asked whether my GPA was at least a 3.7. I told him about how it was lower than that and how that was part of the reason why my job search was taking so long but just having to admit that hurt both my ego and my resolve on the whole job search endeavor I've been at for the last several months. It was just discouraging, ya know?
Then after coming back from rehearsal I went on facebook in order to see how my friends from school were doing and I saw a post that ended up talking about how confidence was key in an interview to land a job and the resume isn't really worth much except to get the interview. I realized that in my interviewing attempts I may not have come off as confident and that perhaps that may be why it's taking me so long to land a position.
So now I'm sitting here thoroughly depressed at my state of affairs, realizing that I'm not as good at music as I once thought, worrying over whether I'll ever get a real job... I'm just very low on confidence and self-esteem at the moment.
Maybe I'm just not good enough...
