#070- Stuck...

I don't know what's wrong/ going on. It's almost been 18 months since graduation and I still haven't gotten a decent full-time job to start my career, not even an internship or low-level job to work up from. I've barely even gotten any interviews... Maybe it's something I've been doing wrong? Maybe I'm not selling myself or my talents correctly? Idk. Something needs to change and soon, and today I'm going to start with my resume. If anyone has any tips or advice for me now would be a great time for them. Here's to hoping for a better future.

In other news, choir season is winding down for the summer. It felt good getting back into singing again for real after going so long without it. Idk how long I'll keep up with it but it's good to know that the choir will be there for me. I've been contemplating on going back to school for real and getting a masters degree in something (probably comp sci). I know I mentioned it a few posts ago but I thought I'd elaborate on it a little more. So like I said before idk if ill be able to get in to do a masters directly. I'd like to but the way my transcript is I don't think it's possible. If that doesn't work out I would think my next course of action would be to apply as an undergrad transfer student and then hopefully get into the combined b.s/m.s degree. Then hopefully only have to take the major's core classes and electives and skip all the general education stuff since i already went through that. I figure if I can do that then I'd be done in 2 1/2 or 3 years. Still not sure if it can even be done though... I guess now I have to go to the school and talk to the advisors to see. Ideally though I'd rather just start working and not have to worry about even MORE school. Ugh...

#069- Chewed out...

Just got a stern talking to from my father about where I'm headed. It's been over a year now and I still haven't gotten my career started. This all came about with my brother and sister heading to interviews for pharmacy school. I feel stuck, on the one hand I don't think I can even apply for a master's in anything I want, but on the other I cant find a job with my bachelor's degree. What the hell am I going to do???

#068- Happy Easter?

You ever have that one friend that when you go out they always manage to drink waaaay too much and then proceed to embarrass both you and themselves? For me that's my dad. He just can't seem to say enough when it comes to the liquor and I'm really getting fucking sick of it. What's worse is my mom is usually the one who has to deal with his bullshit and drag his ass back home.  Today it was at an Easter Dinner. Way to ruin another family holiday dad...

*Edit* This blog is such a downer I didn't even mention all the positive stuff that happened. I sang with the choir in the cathedral all through holy week. I received a bottle of merlot as a gift. After the service on sunday a smaller section of the choir (myself included) went to visit a former bishop who was recovering in Albany Med. We sang the music we did earlier that morning since he was unable to attend mass during all of holy week. Definitely made his day and made for some emotional moments. Later got to see some family and have some of my aunts amazing baked chicken.

#067- Slump...

So this last weekend which was supposed to be pretty fun ended up being kinda shitty. I won't go into details here but my fam is a lot more fucked up than I realized. Then I lost some money at a casino which only added to how down I was. Finally I got hit with some news earlier this week that really upset me. Like seriously I hadn't felt pain like that in 3 years and it killed. I need to reevaluate my decisions and start taking steps toward making myself happy rather than pleasing everyone else, because it's come to the point where I would rather sit at home alone than go out and live life. And that is just no bueno...

#066- Self-Contemplation...

So in the last few weeks I've realized a few things about myself (relationship-wise):

- I really do have the worst timing in the world...

- Apparently, as told by a female friend of mine, I'm more desirable than I previously thought...

- I'm terrible at picking up hints...

- I need to stop chasing after who I think is "the one" and just let her come to me...

Maybe it's because valentine's day just passed but the whole idea of relationships, which I once thought were so complex, has become even more so...

At the same time though it is a bit of an ego-boost to know that I have a bit of an edge and some girls actually find me cute.

Maybe I need to pay more attention...

#065- Regrets...

You know what sucks?
-Losing touch with old friends from your past.

You know what sucks more?
-Losing touch with old friends from your past and then finding out about big events you either missed or are missing out on like weddings, anniversaries, receptions, etc.

High School was never a great time for me. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't terrible either, but when I wasn't in school I spent most of my time in my room. Having over-protective/over-bearing parents, I wasn't allowed to do most of things that most teens in the U.S. would go through. Joining sports teams, going out to parties, date, I didn't even go to my own prom. It wasn't really their fault, this is just what they knew, growing up in India I'm sure they were never exposed to any of that, and if they were then they were very good about keeping it from me.

So now here I am almost 10 years later... and honestly I would be fine right now if it weren't for things like social media. I'm still connected to all these people from high school, and hearing about people getting married and having kids and it makes me sad that I didn't make more of an effort to keep in touch. I hate that I was so sheltered as a teenager. I think that's probably why I resent being in this house still. While I'm grateful for the roof over my head it remind's me too much of high school and just a time in my life I would rather forget.

#064- Time...

A year older, another 100 friends on facebook, about 130 status' lighter for my birthday. Quality over quantity seems to be the current theme running through my mind. I think it may be time for me to pick and choose who to stay connected with. I guess it doesn't help that my twitter got hacked at some point and I somehow randomly picked up 100+ ppl that I was following. I just looked at my twitter feed one day and was like wtf... who are all these people. Had to change my password and all that and then go through and get rid of all those random ppl. Luckily I didn't lose the ppl I was actually following to begin with.


Yesterday had me thinking a lot about where I'm trying to go in my life and brought up a few past conversations. I've been told that I lack motivation, and while the idea pissed me off at first, after thinking about it for a bit I realized that for the most part it's true. I feel like my life would be content with a good job, living close to friends, and having a good woman on my arm... and maybe some kids. There's not really much more that I want than that. At the same time though it feels like my lack of motivation means there's something wrong with me, like at my age I should be trying to break through barriers and just do more than be average.


What do you think? Is average fine or should I be trying to do something more with my life?