#057- Eh...

Hey guys. So today I was actually very surprised with what happened. Had work early before the buttcrack of dawn as usual and afterward got back home and slept for a bit. When I woke up my sibs asked if I wanted to go to the mall. Now this was a very surprising shock in itself to me because usually it feels like they never want to do anything with me. So being asked to go to the mall... yeah pretty big deal,  to me at least. Spent the day mostly looking for stuff before the cruise we are going on this week.. I also decided to pick up a copy of Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 just for kicks.

As soon as I started playing the game I was bored but I tried to play it through arcade mode just to give it a chance. Got to the final boss on normal difficulty but after getting my butt handed to me twice I just gave up. Then I tried to play online just to see what would happen, I played only 1 match against my opponent and did relatively well (for being a noob) but still lost. Then I just shut it off and left. I don't know why but I don't really have much interest in this game. It seems to be more about just memorizing combos for specific teams of characters over anything else. It's really nothing like say street fighter or tekken. Maybe I'm finally starting to get bored of video games, or maybe it's a by product of how I've been feeling over the last few days either way I don't like this blahhhhh feeling. Hopefully getting away from home for a few days will pick me up.

#056- [Insert title with a gratuitous amount of expletives here]

I may look calm on the outside but  I'm raging so hard inside right now it hurts and there's nothing I can do about it. This is one of the few reasons why I try and distance myself from an ex. F%$K!

#055- Agh...

I swear I am such a f*****g idiot! Why the hell do I try and play therapist/advice columnist for everyone even when it starts to kill me inside a little. I don't know why I put myself in these situations...

/rant

#054- Ugh my head hurts.

Today has been a very trying day. My dad just exploded over money issues and how my brother and I should be out of the house and on our own supporting him and mom by now. I'm starting to get stressed out because as each day comes and goes his argument behind this line of thinking grows (or seems to grow) more valid. It's been 7 months since graduation and I've yet to get a full-time position based on my degree and education... I know it's taken some people longer to start their life and that I am still young but every day I feel more and more like a failure and when I'm not applying for jobs or studying for the GRE, I'm watching videos, listening to music, playing games and just focusing on anything else so I don't break down from this trapped feeling I have here. I just want a REAL job so my life can start and I don't have to deal with this pressure from home anymore.

It doesn't help that my brother has just recently fallen into the same boat but what's even worse is that he is just as argumentative and stubborn as my father. Neither one can end an argument without either being right and proving it 50+ times afterward or having to be proven wrong the same # if not more times and (with my brother at least) turning the situation around so that somehow, someway, you end up feeling completely stupid and humiliated for even thinking you could open your mouth to argue a point with him. There's no talking to those two because their stubbornness is tantamount to a brick wall.

My family feels broken...